Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Shadows creeping in

IMG_4453, originally uploaded by torri_g.

It seems that I have lost my inspiration to pick up my camera and go out and shoot. It has been like this for a week plus now. I guess it is time to admit that my yearly after the March birthdays crash is in full swing. The crash comes because of dreading dates on the calendar. A wonderful day in April when a child was born, followed by a horrible day in June when that child passed away, and the seven weeks of her life that fall in between the two. I have found over the years that the harder I try to fight it the worse it actually is, so time to just go with the flow of it again. It has been a couple of years since the coming of April hit me so hard so early, but that's okay, some years just have to be that way. I'm guessing though if April is already bothering me so very much that I really need to look of for June and seven weeks between the two dates.
I'm going to hold on tight though, because this year marks 15 years of getting through this time period so it isn't like I don't have a lot of practice at it. I know to let myself celebrate the joyful things when they arise. I know to let myself feel the anger on the days that it takes a turn. I know to let myself feel the sad, even though that is almost what I dread the most. To be honest I kind of expected this year to hit a little harder because of all the major changes happening in life right now. There isn't a day that I don't think about her anyway, but as we near these months she jumps from the background thoughts to right up front.
Oh heck, there are probably more entries like this coming, so why hit you to hard with the very first one.
I hope that everyone is having a good week so far, or at least rolling with the flow of whatever the week is bringing your way.

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