Self

Self, originally uploaded by torri_g.

I'm sitting here tonight and thinking about the day and figured that a self portrait would be most fitting for this entry. There aren't to many of those on my computer but I had shot one on my cell phone earlier in the day for some reason. Oh wait it was when I was trying to not think about other stuff which I will share here tonight.

Back in October 2008 I found a couple of lumps while doing my monthly self examine. Mammogram and then a second...oh and then a third one just because they couldn't seem to figure out just how to get all the angles done the first two times...and then the words I wanted to hear. Test results "Negative". Leap forward to April and suddenly there is another issue and I wasted no time getting in to see the doctor. After several months of frustration finally the referral arrived and in June I was able to be seen by the breast specialist. An exam, an ultrasound and finally the diagnosis and the words I had wanted to hear that all was well and just need to keep an eye on things.
Well today was the next appointment, and man in the last 6 months things have been added to the list of issues and there was a very short time of worry today while waiting for test results...but once again the words "Test results Negative" were the best words I would ever want to hear. Things have changed yet again and my doctor isn't sure just how soon she wants to see me again because of the rapid changes that are going on, but for today and right now my mind is at peace that I got to hear the wonderful word "Negative".

I may hurt like heck tonight because of all of the testing and exam and I'll be the first to say that a mammogram hurts like hell, but I will be in for my next one whether it is 6 months from today or one year from today, and I will go in to see the doctor as told to also. Tonight I would like for that to be at least 6 months from now, but I won't know exactly when she wants me back till next week sometime. She wants to be able to look at everything that was done today and compare to 6 months ago and one year ago and make up her mind based on that.

So I may have dreaded going today but I did it...now I'm going to put on a million layers and hide before someone else wants to do another test that leaves me in pain. For a Monday this one wasn't to bad and I hope that everyone else got to hear words that meant a lot to them. Have a good week!