Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

This week is getting away from me and before I forget to post, I'm just going to do this real quick. SIX weeks! I'm at six weeks of being a non smoker as of today! I really am feeling good, and am sure that come the end of this box of medicine that I'm going to be ending the medicine. I need to see what life is like without it again, and hopefully it will mean the end to some real upset stomach issues that I have been having lately. So you only have two more weeks of this post on Thursday. I really need to start working on getting out and getting new pictures to post on a regular basis.

Sorry for so short with no picture, but I hope that everyone has a great Thursday!

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG00044, originally uploaded by torri_g.

I didn't forget about this last week. It's just that Little Bugs birthday took center stage, like any birthday should.

Last Thursday I hit the one full month mark of no smoking. Which mean as of today I'm at the month plus. Excuse me for just a minute...YAY!!!.
Alright now that I got that out of my system. I'm starting to notice that at some point in time during the 9 weeks that I must have learned something, because even with all of the stress of life here lately I haven't wanted that cigarette. That is the best thing of all really. Learning other ways of dealing with things.

Anyway, I'm going to keep doing the Thursday posts for at least the next 3 weeks. Which is how many more weeks I have to take the medicine before it becomes my choice for maintenance. I hope that everyone is having a good week and have a great Thursday.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_5791, originally uploaded by torri_g.

Another week done, and I'm now at 3 weeks of not smoking. I saw Ms. K. A. for what will be my last time and got my month 3 of medicine. After the third month it is up to me if I want to stay on the medicine or not and does not require having to see her to get it because there are refills on this one. She was very happy with my progress and said I should just be counting it as a 5 weeks of not smoking. I pointed out to her that just wouldn't be honest because there is that one day in there. Next Thursday will be the start of the third month pack of medicine and I can honestly say that I may not continue with it much past that. The good thing is that once I'm done with the third month, I can choose to drop the dosage that I take daily after that or just drop it entirely. Thinking down the road has me debating dropping to just one pill a day and see if any of those sneaky urges come back, and then drop from there. I'm getting to far ahead of myself on that though and it is better to stay focused on just one day at a time. So three weeks and I'm going to give myself a great big YAY ME! Next week will be my big milestone...the first time to ever reach the one month mark. Heck I may have to throw a party or something...oh wait that is Little Bugs birthday so there will be a party already. : )

I hope that everyone is having a good week, and I'm sorry about the lack of brand new photo's and spars posting but there have been lots of things going on which I may or may not post about at some point in time. Have a wonderful Thursday and hopefully I will get busy working on a photo for Feline and Furball Friday before midnight tomorrow.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_6781, originally uploaded by torri_g.

Please excuse me this morning while I'm a bit of a smarty pants with my choice of picture for my new weekly Thursday post. I had the thought go through my head that I was zooming along with the stop smoking journey and for some reason this picture that I shot earlier in the month of Army Guy's bike came to mind. So just why would I think about his bike and this picture and my stopping smoking? Well, I guess because of the thought it may not look like all that much, but some times looks are deceiving. It might not look like it is going very quickly but when I stop and take a look at the over all it really is. I am again at the two full weeks without smoking a cigarette. When I take a look at the bigger picture though since August 31st I have smoked 5 cigarettes. Wait a minute five, just five? Yeah for someone who has never smoked that number is way to high, but for me and how much I was smoking per day, this is huge! So here I am at week six since starting the medication, 5 weeks since the quit date and I can say that in the last 4 weeks I have had one day with 5 cigarettes. I think I'm doing great!
Alright I will stop with all of the week counts and other crazy number things...oh wait there is still one more number I want to share. That 1 cigarette in the pack...it is still sitting in that pack. I think when I finally hit the full month count I'm going to celebrate by throwing it away. Until then though it is going to continue to sit and be my reminder.

I hope that everyone is having a good week and see you again next week for hopefully a post that will make more sense than this one.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_7068, originally uploaded by torri_g.

YAY ME! I'm right back at one full week of not smoking. Hmm...I feel as if I have been here before already. Oh yeah, I have been! I'm going to celebrate anyway because it was easier to get through this week one than it was the first week one. I've had less urges and thoughts about smoking this week than I did before last Wednesday. So maybe this is getting easier to do. I'm really happy with myself for not having the feeling of needing to give up on this journey. I'm happy that slowly but surely I'm learning new ways of dealing with stress feelings, urges, and the boredom feelings that used to mean time to smoke. So one week down again and the goal of hitting week two next Thursday and going even further this time. So there is still the lonely one cigarette sitting in the pack from a month ago, and the thought of throwing it away has crossed my mind a couple of times, but I'm not ready to do that yet. Maybe right now that is my security blanket, or just a way for me to visually remind myself of what I want to achieve.

So goal for the next week, just once again take it one day at a time and learn to deal with whatever gets thrown my way.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

Self in thought, originally uploaded by torri_g.

Oh another week has passed and I was looking forward to being able to come here and say that had 16 days...two complete weeks plus two days without smoking. Instead I can tell you that I had 15 straight days without a cigarette, which really isn't a small deal for me. At the appointment to check progress and get next month supply of medicine on Monday Ms. K. A. was very happy with my progress. When I did the breathing test to check the carbon monoxide levels there was no way to make it any more clear just how happy I was with my number than throwing my arms up in the air and doing a cheer of "YES!" From a number of 60 to 4 in just three weeks, something to celebrate really. By the way the average non smoker has a number of 1-5, and I had a reading of being a non smoker and I could not have been happier about that.

Now to share about yesterday. Yesterday I made a choice, and heaven knows I may make the choice again, but I'm not going to hide it because that isn't going to get me anywhere with this. I smoked...I smoked 5 cigarettes. Why? Because I wanted them. Because after trying to fight the urge for half of the day my body and mind were making life miserable for me. But mostly because I made the choice to smoke them and nothing more. I have a lot of habits that I have to learn to redirect while making this journey. Yesterday, my biggest and possibly hardest one won because I chose to let it. When I lit the first one Binky Sue was close enough to see what was going on and hear me say "I'm sorry". She thought I was talking to her, but I was saying sorry to myself. Now no I'm not beating myself up about it here, but I really did feel sorry about for myself. 15 days of being able to beat the cravings and urges, and all gone just like that. Each one I sat and smoked I thought about that and wanted it less and less and by evening wanted to get going forward on the journey again instead of the backwards step that I had taken. After all it is one day, and today is a new day. What I know today is that I'm not giving up. I really do want to quit and will work hard every day to achieve that...but odds are still very high that I'm going to have days where I will make a choice to smoke and I need to deal with that by picking back up and going at it yet again the day after.

So here I am on day one again, and in that pack that was opened three weeks ago there is still one. My goal for the next week, to be able to return next week with one full week, and maybe a new way of dealing with some things.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_6692, originally uploaded by torri_g.

Well, another week done and time to share how it has gone. My hopes last week were to be able to come here and say that I had not smoked at all, but also said the reality was I didn't know how it would go and was just going to take it one day at a time. One day at a time got me to today and past the one full week point of not smoking! Today is day 10 to be exact. I'm happy, I'm excited, I'm hopeful, I'm glad that I think I have finally adjusted to everything that the medicine can toss out at me for side effects. I know I'm not done yet with this journey, but it sure feels wonderful to have such a great start going here.

Yesterday I was a little worried that I was going to miss my 10 mark because I kept thinking about wanting one so much, but I managed to distract myself just enough. The difficult part is the distraction from the urges. As a smoker I've never really given it any thought as to why I wanted a cigarette, I just did and would have one. This time with the quitting I have tried to pay very close attention as why I suddenly want one. I can honestly say that a lot of it is just because of habit. First cup of coffee in the morning meant smoke a cigarette. Yes I actually had to drop that morning cup of coffee for a couple of days to break that one. In the last three weeks since starting this I have noticed a lot of things that I do that just some how over the years became connected with it. The hardest one to deal with though is going to be the thought "I need a cigarette because I'm mad". It isn't so much that I need the cigarette, that was the timer for the time out. I like to take a time out before I go off the deep end screaming at someone, the cigarette urge was my time out that would keep me from doing that. It was a deep breath...a deep unhealthy breath, but a deep breath none the less. What I have noticed in the last week is that urge is going to be my most difficult one to deal with. Mom's lose their tempers when kids or husbands don't seem to hear them till they are to the point of yelling. To avoid that yelling the urge would hit and I would take a time out. Now the urge hits and I'm trying to ignore it and it just keeps getting worse and so is my mood. It is the one urge that I'm probably going to work on the hardest to figure out a way around, and since I don't think the kids selective hearing is going to suddenly go away, I will be working on this one quickly.
Wow! I think I just made myself sound like a real witch there, but it is the real witch that I'm trying to avoid. Besides I said I planned on being totally honest about things during this journey. Anyway, that is about it for this week. Monday I go see Ms. K for my new box of medicine and to check how I'm doing and I can not wait. Again I thought all week for a reason why and I'm still just coming up with Because I want to. Actually after making it 10 days without smoking, now it is because I really want to do this.

I hope that everyone has a great Thursday.

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_6776-1, originally uploaded by torri_g.

Well it has been a week and it is time to open the new package of medicine. Kind of difficult to believe that this is going to be the start of the third week here today. Now I would love to say that with the quit date Friday that I set those cigarettes aside and haven't looked at them since, but that would be a lie. I can more honestly say that Friday I smoked 4, and Saturday I smoked 5 but something happened Sunday I didn't smoke any. To bad come Monday I smoked 5 again, because it would be great to say that I have been cigarette free for four full days. After Monday though I felt a real determination to get another day of zero smoked and did just that Tuesday oh and did it again Wednesday. So right now this morning my thoughts are about having another goal day of zero. It is not an easy thing do and I really have to pay attention to what I'm doing during the day. There are so many things that I associate with "time to have a cigarette" that I have relearn, but in the last two days I've gotten a great start on. To be honest my brain would love nothing more than if I would go out to the pack that is sitting with 6 in it and smoke one right now, but I'm going to make myself sit here with my cup of coffee instead. (don't even think that I'm ever going to give up coffee)
I know I said last week that I wanted to post a weekly reason why I want to stop smoking, but to tell the truth I still really only have one reason as to why and that is because I want to. My goal for next Thursday is to be able to come here and say that those 6 cigarettes are still sitting in that pack and that I'm 10 days smoke free. The reality of that goal is that I will take it one day at a time and no matter what the counts look like I'm not giving up.

I hope that everyone has a great Thursday!

Thinking Thursday...A journey to stop smoking

IMG_6766, originally uploaded by torri_g.

As of today it has been one week since starting the Chantix. What can I tell you about this medicine? Well, it is interesting to say the very least. Between the hot flashes that I swear can meet or beat the heat of a Phoenix sunny summer day, there is the fun of feeling sick, or starving, or like your brain in a deep fog. Oh and when they talk about vivid dreams in the commercials for the medicine don't take that part as a joke! I have dreamt about things that I could live without ever dreaming about again...EVER!

Now for the difficult part of my plan for posting this weekly update. Admitting just how much I was smoking before starting this last week.(Yeah this part is the hard part couldn't I just tell you my weight instead sounds so much easier right now) Alright for the honest truth, I was smoking about two full packs a day. This isn't the first attempt to stop smoking, heck it isn't even the first one for this year. I've gotten down to less than a pack, I have even managed to go three weeks without any, but I always return to them. Why? It is an addiction and it is what I know. In the last week I have seen that number drop though, and I'm finding a will inside of me to keep trying to push longer till the next one. I can say the side effects of the medicine are far less than what hits you when you just try cold turkey quitting. My total smoked daily since starting this have average between 12-20 a day. I'm still miles from being done with them, but cutting it in one weeks time by half or better gives me real hope for actually getting through this time.
Army Guy and I have daily chats about how many we each have smoked, and how the medicine is making us feel, which really is so helpful. Although Army Guy is going to be quicker probably hitting that quit and done mark that I am, but he smoked less than me and I think he might be trying to be a show off too. :)

So this is the new Thursday plan for posting. Friday is our set quit date and that is the day that we are to try to just leave those cigarettes sitting in their packs. May be a very difficult thing to do, but I have promised myself to every week come here and be honest in my post about how I did. I'm also going to try to post a reason for stopping, my own reasons for stopping. I would have to say my reason for this week is just very simple...because I want to stop.

Alright there is my honest post for this Thursday. If you don't want to read about this journey, then don't plan on reading on Thursday.

Hopping Around

Horse Lubber, originally uploaded by torri_g.

This is by far the coolest grass hopper I have ever seen! The fact that I was able to locate it in the tall grass the other day is nothing short of a miracle, and I tried to not torment it to much while getting it picked up and moved to a rock so I could get a better picture. If I hadn't moved it though we could have played a great game of find the grass hopper in the picture here on the blog.

Speaking about hopping around this post is going to take a big leap here now. Thursday are going to become my day to post about my stopping smoking journey. It has been years of trying and not being able to push through it. Last week however, Army Guy and I went to see the nurse for the smoking sensation class and as of yesterday we picked up the medicine to start this journey together. It is recommended to keep track of days because each packet holds seven days worth of pills. Since we are starting them this morning, looks like Thursdays will be the day. We have been put on Chantix and for the first 7 days we maintain with the smoking while the medicine builds up in our systems. Our basic quit date is set for next Friday. Basic quick date is the day that you want to try to put that pack of cigarettes down, but keep them handy for just in case. Since we both really want this for an number of reasons, I think this route with the medicine is going to be our best bet. So on Thursdays when the new packet of medicine is opened you are going to get to read updates about how it is going. It is going to be my way of keeping myself in check for this.

Anyway, I hope that everyone has a great Thursday, and see you back here tomorrow for Feline and Furball Friday.