Happy Sweet Sixteen Alexandria Marie

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A letter to my angel

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Maybe it is because the last month has been one heck of a roller coaster ride, or maybe because my mind has been a million other places, but today has not been the dreaded painful that June 6th usually is. The usual dark clouds that surround my heart on this day gave way to some light, and laughter. Whatever the reason for it I'm not going to question it at all I miss you Alexandria Marie, and if tonight typing this is the only time I cry today, then I'm doing far better than any of the last 15 years. It has been a year of big miles stones here for your sisters, and I have found myself almost daily drawn to thoughts of you, and where in the mile stones you would be. I have found there is nothing wrong with that, till the fact that you are no longer with us hits me. I think because today so many of the little ones that I have asked you to keep watch over had reasons to celebrate today, placed it firmly in my mind that sometimes this date on the calendar isn't so bad. Over the course of the day I have watched your sisters, and listened to them and their laughter and found a real thankful comfort with it. I may no longer have you here with me, but in my heart just like them, you will always be here with me. I love you very much my sweet little angel, and continue to do the great job of keeping watch over your sisters and all of the little ones that hold a place in my heart.

Healing each other's hearts Part 1

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In the days following Eclipses death, I found myself just wanting to help my Binky Sue deal with it things in whatever way she felt she needed to. It was pointed out to her that grieving has no rules, and it is for each individual to find their own best way healing. On Tuesday of last week when she got home from school, and another day filled with tears, she wanted to take all things that reminded her of her Eclipse to donate at the tiny little shelter in Huachuca City where we got Miss Trinity from. I didn't argue with her, I just grabbed my purse and said let's go then. The ride was silent except for yet more tears falling from my baby girl. When we got to the shelter she cried even more tears and at that point I really didn't think that it was possible for that. Working that day at the shelter was a very kind man though. He looked at Binky Sue and asked her about her cat that she was crying for, and told her about his own cat that had not all that long ago passed away also. He told her about blaming himself for not seeing sooner that something was wrong, for wondering if he had done enough, for wondering if he had been a good enough of an owner. Then he told her they are the thoughts that go through every owners mind that truly loves these little fur babies that we bring into our lives. He pointed out to her that shelters were filled with the little ones that didn't know an owners love. He invited her to spend some time with the few cats that were out there, and told her that for him spending time seeing with them after losing his own cat had helped to heal his heart. We spent some time there watching, playing with the cats and then Binky Sue looked at me and said she needed to leave. I thanked him for his words, and his help and we got in the car to head home. On the way home Binky Sue told me about looking at cats in the shelters the night before while crying and trying find some comfort any where. She asked if we could head down to the Sierra Vista shelter because there was someone there that she wanted to see.

At this point in time let's fast forward to Wednesday of last week and the trip to the Sierra Vista shelter. We walked in and got instructions about what to do in the cat area of the shelter, and without any asking Binky Sue walked right to the kennel of a little cat that to say was shy would not come anywhere close to describing this cat. The lady from the shelter that helped us pointed out that she didn't seem to want human attention and always just hide or would shy away from human touch. Binky Sue stepped up the the kennel and an amazing thing happened...the cat came right out into her arms. Even more amazing to the lady was that in the play room the cat didn't run to hide, she stayed right with Binky Sue wanting to be petted, held and loved. Binky Sue sat there with her for about 30 minutes, of course more tears and suddenly I could see the debate going on in her mind. She looked at me and asked me if it would be wrong to want to give this little one a home and love so soon after losing her Eclipse. I told her it was going to have to be her call, and that no matter what the choice I would support her. Binky Sue asked that I see what we would need to do to be able to adopt this little shy girl, but to ask if she could delay just a little bit. At that point in time the conversation began with the lady that was helping us. She was convinced that the cat was meant to be with us in our home. She had never seen the cat react to anyone like she did with my little girl. I filled out the paper work and started asking question about why this little one was there. What all we needed to do if Binky Sue made the final choice to bring her home, and other basic things. We left without her that day because there was one thing that I needed to get done, and Binky Sue wanted more time.

Now I'm going to let you know that this is going to be a two part posting, even though on the blog the second one will be on top.

Very Sad Day...Good bye Eclipse

This entry is going to be difficult for me to get through. It is already attempt number two to try to do this, and I'm still not real sure just how this one is going to go. It will have probably lots of pictures and hopefully some sentences that will make some sense, and will probably be the only post this week.

It is with a very sad and heavy heart that I sit down and type this entry about Eclipse. Sometime between Saturday night and Sunday, something went terribly wrong and without even a chance to try she passed away early this morning. There have been so many tears shed in this house in the last 36 hours that I'm sure it would be the size of an ocean. I can tell you that my Binky Sue asked her to hang on for one more day yesterday, and Eclipse did just that. She hung on till after Binky Sue had one more morning of Eclipse hearing her voice and responding to her, and after Binky Sue left for school Eclipse passed. There isn't an emergency vet here in our small area of Arizona, and the wait for one more day was so I could get her in this morning. Morning just came about an hour to late today.






From the very first moment Eclipse laid tiny kitten eye's on Binky Sue during a visit to a friends house where her and her liter mates were living, Eclipse claimed Binky Sue as her own, and Binky Sue claimed Eclipse as her's. I will never forgot the fast talking almost begging that came from Binky Sue that day. She knew this kitten was to be her's and "Mommy can I please take her home?" From the very first moment to the the final one's before Binky Sue left for school there was a bond of love that I'm not sure can be matched. Eclipse could make you smile at her antics in the house daily. Pose for a picture like no other animal in my house probably ever will. When Binky Sue was sad, she would be right there. When Binky Sue was hyper and happy, so was Eclipse. When Binky Sue would stress about major projects for school, Eclipse would be sure to chew on the papers for her. They were the comidian team of this house. Where you found one you were sure to find the other just so very close behind.














We know what happened...but I'm not going to go into those details because in the end knowing what happened will never change the pain that is being felt by my little girl here tonight. It will never change the pain that is being felt by all of us in this house. Binky Sue and Army Guy found a perfect final spot for her this afternoon. It is in Garden Canyon where there are so many birds to watch and come spring, summer there will be oh so very many butterfly's to chase. Tonight my Binky Sue is wondering how she will be able to sleep for the first time in over 4 years without her girl Eclipse next to her under the blankets. Tonight I'm not looking forward to morning and a missing member of the mini zoo that fills my heart so very much. Another day of Angel calling for her sister and hearing nothing but silence. Another day of Trinity and Mia whining because she isn't in her usual spot by 10 am to tease them. I'm sure tomorrow is going to bring more tears from all of my girls, and even myself. I've said it so many times today to all them that in time the pain will heal, but being Mom I just wish I could heal it a little faster.

Tiny little paws that touched hearts so deeply. I thought it before, and today has had me wondering again...why? Why do we invite them into our heart's when we know they won't live our entire life time? I guess the simplest answer I have is because they need love too, and if you are one the people of this world that wants to share that, you invite them in with open arms, and hold them so very close to your heart.

Since this has taken me just about an hour to get typed, I'm sure this is going to my only post for this week. I'm going to be taking a break from the Feline Friday posting for probably the next couple of weeks because...well because Eclipse was the first one I ever posted about for that and right now I just don't see me being able to do it without ending up in tears. I hope that every tries to have a good week. Send hugs to my Binky Sue and I'll be back posting after a little bit of time.